Of Aspirin And Photography
by Zaskaea
Summary: "They were drunk!" Lenalee exclaimed in horror, still staring at the picture. "If they find out about this, they'll kill each other!" The question was; were these real, or were they fake? -Silly Yullen oneshot, AU-


Because something like this happened to me and my friends a short while ago, and because people our age really shouldn't do it. I was the only sober one. It sucked, but at the same time it was awesome because I was the only one who remembered everything. Blackmail FTW.

I don't completely know if this is Yullen or Arekan, but it seems to sway more in the Yullen direction. Gah. My brain is fried.

Proof-reading was half-assed. Might be below standard.

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own. Geez, I'm really too tired for this.**

Enjoy!

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><p>A clock was ticking somewhere, but none of the frustrated minds were in the right state to actually rise and smash the irritating thing to pieces. There was the sound of snoring too, its source spread out on the living room carpet like a discarded ragdoll. The woman's wavy brown hair was tangled beyond belief and had popcorn stuck to it; the one holding the actual (empty) bucket was halfway off an armchair with no shirt and provocative drawings all over his torso.<p>

On the sofa, amongst drinks cans and in a far more comfortable state, lay a man and a woman. If the male had been any more conscious, he may have been aware of the killer heel threatening to stab his only remaining eye out. The young woman herself had her face pressed up against the arm rest, distorting it to an amusing level and making her appear somewhat like a blowfish.

The tall man sprawled over the coffee table, for some reason, was wearing what had previously the tablecloth as a type of cape. The person lying beside the coffee table, on another area of the plush white carpet, blended into it almost perfectly, his snowy hair barely visible against the tough material.

Allen Walker stirred, groaning loudly when he felt his head begin to throb at an unbearable level. That clock, it had to die, just like the idiot who was snoring. And for goodness' sake, why was it so bright? Couldn't someone stand up and shut the curtains, please?

Then Allen felt his stomach turn and forced himself off the ground, almost keeling over and slamming against the coffee table as he did so. Not even having to think about what could have made him so dizzy, Allen made a clumsy rush for the door, promptly stepping on the poor soul lying in the doorway before racing into the downstairs bathroom and emptying the contents of his abused stomach.

In the doorway, one Kanda Yuu swore as he was rudely awakened, clutching his head only seconds later when the dreaded migraine began to kick in. "You fucking moyashi! Watch your damn step!"

Aspirin. He needed aspirin. Kanda blatantly ignored the horrible retching noises sounding from the tiny bathroom as he staggered into the kitchen, swearing on his life that he'd never, ever allow Lavi to spike his drink again. That rabbit was going to die just as much as the moyashi.

Then Kanda became angered further when idiot number two barged past him and headed for the sink, promptly throwing up all over the unwashed dishes that were unlucky enough to still be in it. Kanda stared at Daisya in complete disgust until the other noticed him and waved blearily. "Eh-ya, Yuu… fuck, man. I feel like crap."

"No fucking shit, Sherlock." Kanda hissed, taking full notice of the fact that his adoptive brother seemed to have 'BJs for 10p' scrawled onto his stomach in Lavi's handwriting. "Clean that damn sink, it stinks."

More voices began to sound from outside the kitchen then, but Kanda didn't really pay attention. Instead, he began to manically swear at the little aspirin container that was denying him access because he couldn't see straight enough to work out the fucking 'child lock' mechanism.

"Moyashi-chaaan! Pleease! I need to take a piss real bad and I think I'm gonna be sick as well! The toilet can only take so much! Dude, how much did you even eat!"

"Fuck OFF, Lavi!"

Ah, yes, apparently Allen was less than friendly in the midst of a hangover. Giving up on the aspirin container, Kanda grabbed the sharpest kitchen knife he could find, stabbing through the plastic and not once considering the fact that that could have been his finger. He took the tablets dry.

"Oi, mate, gimme some." Daisya groaned, barely keeping himself up against the counter. "Why the fuck ain't I got alcohol poisoning yet…?"

"You _want_ to get hospitalised? I can help you with that." Kanda snapped in exasperation, tossing the mauled aspirin container against Daisya's head. The other just belched loudly and tried to pry the container open even further. At that moment, Lenalee stepped into the kitchen, her mascara smudged to a rather frightening level. "Which idiot combed my hair with an eggbeater?" she sighed, yanking her fingers out of her messy tresses. "And Kanda, what the hell did you do to my aspirin?"

"I opened it." The Japanese replied in the 'you're so stupid' tone. Lenalee, in the mean time, was staring at the text on Daisya's chest, paling a little when she recognised her own handwriting very near his crotch area.

"Ahem."

All heads turned to Allen, who was standing in the doorway looking a bit too green for normal standards. His face was still a bit damp from where he seemed to have splashed himself with cold water, and his eyes were bloodshot. "What's best against a hangover…? I feel like a metaphorical ton of bricks slammed onto my head from fifty metres up."

"Well you're still perfectly capable of talking, aren't you?" Kanda protested sourly, but Lenalee just gave him a warning look before replying to Allen's pitiful question.

"Not aspirin, like these idiots." Cue pointing at Kanda and Daisya, "It might cure the pain, but it's not really too good after you've taken in a lot of alcohol. Drink lots of water and some orange juice-"

"Are you fucking crazy?" Daisya cried, looking mortified. "Aspirin is God!"

"For some reason I do not feel I should believe you…" Allen muttered, grabbing a 2l bottle of water from the nearest counter and taking a final glance at Daisya's torso before leaving.

"Make sure nobody's pissed in that!" The brunet yelled after his white-headed friend, not having expected the snarky answer that followed.

"Oh, and your piss is transparent?"

Allen: 1 Daisya: 0

Kanda smirked. "Get a damn shirt on before you embarrass yourself any further." He ordered the other, fighting off a wave of nausea as he finished talking. "Fuck."

Daisya finally glanced down at his chest, letting out an un-manly squeak as he did so. "What the fuck, man!" Grabbing a sponge from the side of the sink, Kanda could only watch with a hopeless expression as Daisya scrubbed his chest furiously with something possibly covered in detergent. That would kill later; not that the idiot had to know.

"Wonder how many of us got laid last night." The brown-haired man wondered aloud, scrubbing at a certain piece of writing commenting on his many STDs.

"I don't." Kanda retorted darkly, wondering where on earth he'd left his hair-tie.

"Allen's gonna kill us if he remembers the strip club."

"He won't remember any of the shit that happened, you idiot."

"Because we don't either really, right?"

Kanda hated to admit it, but Daisya was right. Lavi had been planning something like this for ages; getting absolutely hammered on Allen's twenty-first birthday as well as making this some kind of Christmas bash at the same time.

Needless to say that if Lavi was involved, things would get wild.

"Oh, for fuck's sake. Guys, Miranda just conked out on the couch!"

"I think that was a neurotic breakdown, actually."

"You mean she had a heart attack?"

"Krory! Calm the fuck down!"

No, Kanda really didn't want to return to the living room now. A moment later, a table clock went smashing into the tiled wall only centimetres away from Kanda's head. "What the fuck!" the Japanese yelled furiously, storming into the lounge where Lavi was still standing in the perfect position to suggest that he'd been the one who had thrown it. "Where you trying to fucking kill me?"

"It was doing my head in! And you can't die via alarm clock, you weirdo!" Lavi argued.

"And what if I shoved the damn thing down your stupid throat!"

"SHUT UP!"

Lenalee breathed out loudly, her hands on her slender hips. That mini-skirt really should be illegal. "We established that we all got completely smashed, and now that we're… mostly… all awake, let's clean up and get some rest, ok?" Then, something hit the girl. "Where's Allen?"

"Chucking it up in the bathroom, again." Lavi informed her, and Lenalee cringed.

"Ok, we have to set a drinks limit for that kid." Daisya suggested, having had a sensible idea or once.

Suddenly, Krory came back into the room, holding something small and pink. "I found this in the upstairs bathroom." He began nervously, before glancing at Lenalee, assuming it was hers judging by the colour. "Lenalee?"

"Oh, thank God." The young woman exclaimed, joyfully reclaiming her camera. "This thing is absolutely priceless."

Somehow, the others began to get a very bad feeling about that neon-pink piece of technology.

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><p>Kanda walked up the stairs, rubbing his forehead with an irritated expression. He couldn't believe this. He'd got completely drunk, despite having sworn to not even attend this party. However, only one thing had changed his mind about the whole thing; the moyashi, his recent boyfriend.<p>

The others, however, had no idea about the whole thing, and simply assumed that Lenalee had pressured him into it using threats involving her completely bat-shit brother. The chances that Kanda and the moyashi had done something last night were extremely high, but thank Kami nobody actually seemed to remember. If they had, he would have been totally interrogated by now.

"Moyashi?"

"Now I'm just sicking up water!"

Kanda leaned against the wall beside the bathroom door and sighed. So apparently, as well as having possibly the lowest alcohol tolerance ever, Allen's hangovers were to be reckoned with.

"Open the fucking door!"

The sound of a toilet flushing was heard, and then the bathroom door opened with a creak of protest, revealing Allen's miserable face and bent-over form. "I feel like… like I… like I… ugh. I don't actually remember a thing. I bet I did something stupid. I know I did. I'll never live this down! I've got to say it: this is one of those days where Lavi really does deserve to be kicked." The whitehead groaned, sniffing to himself.

"Great minds think alike." Kanda agreed, allowing Allen to lean on him as the young man coughed into his fist. "I think he pretty much spiked everyone."

"Mh."

Allen glanced up at Kanda with a hopeful look in his eyes, but pulled a pouty face when Kanda shook his head quickly, his loose hair swinging. "No fucking way. You probably taste like vomit."

"Love you too." Allen muttered darkly, but he smiled despite his nausea when the other hugged him back, holding his head beneath his chin. That was about as good a response he was going to get.

* * *

><p>Lenalee didn't remember taking any of these pictures. Oh no, she didn't. She couldn't even work out if these were fake or not, because really, they were all completely insane.<p>

There were a lot of Lenalee herself, with her infamous skirt hiked up to a very dangerous level as she danced around the club they'd visited. Daisya was shirtless in all of them, although most of his pictures included completely alien, half-naked women as well as his grinning face. The group grimaced, glad that the man hadn't brought anyone 'home' with him.

There were quite a few shots of Krory when they'd played Guitar Hero, too, and many good shots of Allen rocking out on the coffee table; the group decided that the one of Kanda slamming the instrument on Allen's head was just the norm, even though it was a bit far-fetched even for the Japanese.

The next image was one Lenalee quickly skipped; it was just too weird. Allen looked like he was trying to eat Kanda's hair while the Japanese was preparing to either slap or punch his face in. Lenalee, to her relief, remembered that Allen had not sported any facial bruising when she'd seen him this morning.

The pictures of Miranda were quite surprising. The woman was clearly drunk, because she wasn't fainting about the fact that she was surrounded by guys who had come to take a look at her knockout figure. In fact, she appeared to be giggling. The group got a good laugh out of the pictures of Lavi, too. The redhead was pole-dancing against a lamppost, flaunting his tightly-clad ass in all of them.

But oh. Oh. Then came the real shockers. Lavi, Daisya, Krory and Miranda crowded keenly around Lenalee, eager to get a sight of what the young girl was blushing at.

Miranda almost fainted for a second time; just managing to stand, she hid her cherry-red face with one hand and sped off into the kitchen. Nobody really noticed her, because Lenalee had pressed the arrow button once again.

The image was a very suggestive one. It was of those who were currently absent. Allen was pushed up against a table, Kanda's hands disappearing beneath his shirt. The young man's face was flushed, and his mouth hung open slightly in an expression of shock. Kanda's face was hidden from view only because it was buried into the side of Allen's neck that wasn't facing the camera.

Although the picture was dark and the background was a mess of the strobe lights the club had shown off with, all of this was still clearly visible.

"Oh my God."

"No way…"

The next picture was, perhaps, even better. Kanda was spread out on a bright red, drink stained couch, with Allen straddling him and pulling the other's head up by his long jet black locks. The elder of the two looked downright livid, but Allen didn't seem to care because had a very uncharacteristic grin on his face that sent shivers down Lavi's spine.

"That's hot." Daisya commented absent-mindedly from somewhere behind Krory.

"What the hell? Are these fake?" Lavi said, for once actually in utter disbelief. What was shown on those pictures was just too crazy, even for him.

"They were drunk!" Lenalee exclaimed in horror once the picture had sunk in. "If they find out about this, they'll kill each other! Lavi!"

The redhead waved his arms around frantically, trying to think of a way out. "Don't look at me! I only wanted to see what'd happen! I didn't know that once they were drunk they'd be horny as fuck!"

"Delete the pictures!" Krory suggested hurriedly, but Lenalee hugged it against her chest furiously.

"What? No! This is invaluable material!"

"God bless the fangirl." Daisya smirked, and Lavi laughed.

"Just hide it, Lenalee. They won't see if you don't show them-"

"We won't see what?"

"Oh fuck."

The slow-motion turning of heads was almost comical.

Kanda and Allen were standing in the doorway, each sporting a curious look on their faces. However, whereas Allen just seemed genuinely confused, Kanda's look had a more warning, dangerous intensity to it that even Lenalee was afraid to argue with.

"Hi." Krory offered helpfully.

Then Kanda spotted the camera, and Lenalee didn't miss the slightly concerned spark in his cerulean eyes. "Give that to me." He ordered sharply, walking forwards and extending a hand to the girl. Daisya backed off, fanning his hand on front of his chest. "Oooh, shit's gonna go DOWN!" he whistled, but he was ignored.

Lenalee, being stubborn, did not let go of her camera. "Really, Kanda." she tried calmly. "There is nothing on here that could embarrass you."

Obviously, Kanda was not convinced. "Prove it." He challenged.

"Kanda, maybe you should just let it drop-" Allen began, approaching the taller male, but Kanda was having none of it. "Shut the fuck up, moyashi!" _My pride is at stake!_

"And you-" Kanda continued dangerously, moving his gaze for it to settle on Lavi. "-Don't you dare think that you've got out of this yet."

"But you don't even know what it is yet, Yuu-chan!" the redhead whined, and Lenalee looked at him in exasperation. Was Lavi _trying _to wind the homicidal Japanese even more?

"Kanda-" It was Allen again, desperately trying to restore order and calm his long-time rival down.

"Didn't I just tell you to shut up already? Fuck off for just one second!" Kanda growled at the younger, who shot him an angered look and turned away, having resolved to sulking. By now, Lenalee was certain that those pictures meant nothing at all. Ah well, there go some pleasant fantasies.

In her moment of thought, the girl hadn't realised that Kanda was coming at her until it was too late. Only able to stare at him in horror as he hit the power button once she realised how empty her hands were, Lenalee prepared herself for the worst.

To her absolute surprise, Kanda froze up, almost crushed the camera with one hand and… blushed.

"Kanda?" Allen asked once he spotted Lenalee's expression and Kanda's rigidness. In the corner of the room, Daisya was doing his best not to break into a fit of raucous laughter.

Then Allen came up behind Kanda, peeking over the side of his arm and taking on the same fiery complexion that Lenalee had sported only minutes before. "Whe- When did that happen!" the young man squeaked, staring up at Kanda desperately. "Kanda! Say something!"

So Kanda did. "What the hell is this? You're not a fucking seme!" he snapped at the whitehead, pointing angrily at the picture. Allen was not pleased.

"Says who, BaKanda?" the smaller man retorted, crossing his thin arms. Kanda growled.

"Because I do the fucking, not you!"

"Well how about a change, you selfish bum!"

While all this was going on, Lenalee, Krory, Daisya and Lavi had become a little lost.

"Well my ass doesn't hurt so obviously you went wrong somewhere last night, hm?" Allen continued, his voice mocking.

"Well what the fuck makes you think that I'm the one not walking straight?"

"Oh, maybe it's just the fact that you're the one with the massive pipe up his ass all the time!"

"Excuse me," Lavi interrupted, raising his hand slowly. "But we're in serious need of an explanation here."

Kanda glared at him while Allen seemed to realise exactly what he'd been saying and turned even redder than before. "I… uh…"

"You two got together?" Lenalee exclaimed, having worked it out. "When? Why on Earth weren't we told about this?"

"We were going to tell you!" Allen whined, still deeply embarrassed. Catching Kanda's look, he quickly corrected himself. "W-well, I was-"

"How long now?" Lenalee demanded an answer.

"Eh… Three months…?"

"THREE MONTHS?" The young woman was mortified. "And I didn't pick that up?"

"Obviously not." Kanda snapped, slapping Allen round the back of the head when he saw that the whitehead was hiding his face. "Snap the hell out of it."

"This is awesome!" Lavi burst out, grinning like an idiot. "Way to go, Allen, bagging y'self the hottie!"

"You're just asking to die, aren't you?" came Kanda's response, but Lavi wasn't fazed.

"You do know that we're like, totally stalking you guys from now on?" the redhead continued to ramble. "I mean, woah! What were the chances?"

"Kanda… can we go now?" Allen asked tiredly, obviously having had enough. "I need to sleep some more."

"Fuck more like." Lavi chuckled, barely dodging the stray shoe that was tossed at his skull.

"KANDA!" Lenalee shouted, not pleased by the fact that her brother's house was dangerously close to ending up with a broken window.

Allen just raised his eyebrows at Lavi in a 'really?' manner before grabbing Kanda's arm and yawning widely. Lavi, Lenalee and Daisya had 'awwed' before they could even really think about it. Kanda was beginning to lose count of how many times he'd used his death-glare today, and he hadn't even been awake an hour.

"Get your coat if you have it." He told Allen, shaking the smaller man off him. "And get your fucking shoes on."

Then Kanda walked out of the room, ignoring the fascinated looks he was getting from the others.

* * *

><p>"Do you think they'll really stalk us?" Allen asked, looking genuinely panicky as he stepped into Kanda's car. The other just snorted, adjusting the mirror and trying to ignore his headache.<p>

"If they want to die, then yes."

Allen was thrown back in his seat when Kanda switched on the motor and drove out into the road, slamming his foot down onto the accelerator. "Kanda! What the hell! My house is in the other direction!"

"I thought you were complaining about your ass not hurting." Kanda stated in a devious tone. Allen blanched.

"N-not now! I want to sleep! Kanda! Let me out, this isn't funny!"

"You asked for it."

Allen really couldn't argue with that, so he just curled up in his seat and wondered what the hell had gone wrong in the last twenty-four hours.

"Do you really want to top me?"

That question was unexpected, so Allen's instant response was a simple "Huh?"

"Do you really want to top me?" Kanda repeated in a monotone.

Allen frowned, unable to tell if his boyfriend was serious or not. "Well, I, uh…"

"You have one fucking crazy imagination."

"Hey!" Allen retorted. "I was good enough in that picture!"

"You looked like a whore."

"Then so do you."

The silence that followed those insults was short-lived. "Well, now it's out." Allen mumbled.

"Che."

"And you're going to celebrate by screwing me senseless? I really don't get it."

"Che."

"…_Can_ I top you?"

"No."

"Can I try?"

"Like you'll ever fucking manage."

"Ok then."

"Ok then what?"

"'Ok then' as in you never said I _couldn't_ try."

Kanda didn't show it on the outside, but in his mind, he was smiling. He guessed that both he and Allen had a point; although the moyashi could be an irritating little shit with ridiculous ideas… he was bearable, to some extent.

And anyway, now that he was sober, Kanda could give him a morning to remember.

Drunk sex sucked anyhow.

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><p>It's over. Hope that wasn't too bad. I'm going to bed now… to read more fanfiction on my DSi. Review at will, I won't pester you.<p>

Bis dann!

~Zaskaea


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